Login
Phew! I finally feel like I’m starting to get my feet back on the ground. First off, I’d like to apologize for not writing last week; I’ve been encountering changes, both positive and negative, faster than I could process them and felt completely overwhelmed and unable to articulate what was going on a week ago. This week, I’m feeling at last like I’m making sense of what’s been happening, and am ready to learn and move on to the next phase of my life.
So what’s been going on? The biggest material change is that, about a month ago, I found out that I would be returning to Stanford for the spring quarter. This, obviously, completely changed my spring plans, and I’ve been wrestling with the consequences of that change for the past month now, with the details just falling into place in the last few days before term began on Monday (March 29). I had to decide how my goals were going to change, where my horses were going to stay, what my coaching situation was going to be, and a million other little tricky bits.
Ultimately, I came to the tough decision to relinquish my goal for the 2010 North American Junior/Young Rider Championships this summer. It was an extremely bitter moment, to realize that this dream that I’ve had since I was eight years old was never going to become a reality, but my winter season (the bulk of the competitive season in California) was just too fraught with bad luck and delay. Combine that with the prospect of suddenly juggling riding with a full class load and a coach three and a half hours from school, and it just didn’t seem fair to my horse or myself to continue to stretch towards what was already going to be a very far reach of a goal without such changes. I’m still very sad thinking about it, but ultimately I know that this was the best decision and the most realistic one given where I am in my riding at the moment.
Instead, I’m deliberately leaving my goals for the rest of the season open. After thinking about going to Young Riders, in one way or another, for literally the entire time I’ve been eventing, it is an extremely strange sensation to suddenly view a future that isn’t somehow centered around that goal. I feel oddly light and free; instead of planning a season around a big end goal, I can wait and see where the rest of the spring takes me. Perhaps I’ll go to some dressage shows, or maybe try my hand at some more of the hunter/jumper land I sampled at Thermal. Maybe I’ll move up to Intermediate soon, maybe I won’t at all. My only goal is to grow closer to my horse, to learn, and to above all enjoy the process of doing so.
So, from this goal, which was very drawn out and difficult, the brass tacks came much more easily. It became clear, for example, that I wanted both horses to come back to school with me. There had been some discussion about keeping the horses in Atascadero in training, with me commuting back and forth, but in a spring that was now to be centered around enjoyment and bonding, this option made very little sense. I was extremely lucky to find excellent (and, for the Bay Area, ridiculously affordable) housing for both Ringo and Kiki just a week or so before I was due to return. Phew! Equally miraculously, I found on-campus housing with just a few days to spare, and with one of my best friends and previous roommates, no less! It’s amazing how much easier the prospect of undergoing a major life shift is when you know you’re going to have a roof over your head when you do it.
So at the end of a turbulent month, Ringo, Kiki, and I are all tucked away safe and sound in our new homes in Palo Alto. Both the horses have had light weeks so far as we all settle into our new surroundings (and I try to figure out what my class schedule is going to be!), but will be back into full work soon. I’m still hoping that at least Kiki will be still be ready to go to Twin Rivers in two and a half weeks to fulfill her Novice destiny (which was delayed when I had to miss Galway to move out of Atascadero and into my new dorm at Stanford), but I’m not going to fret it if that doesn’t work out. I’m just excited to see where the road is going to take us from here!
(Photos courtesy of Kate Erickson.)
